If you haven’t read them yet, I invite you to read my two posts about emotions On emotions and On emotions, continued.
In short, I believe there are no negative or positive emotions but unpleasant and pleasant ones. They are natural, are feedback from our subconscious mind and are useful. Freedom lies in accepting the unpleasant emotions and the pain, not being afraid of it, and feeling it. As well as using the feedback to check into ourselves, to discover what needs we have that are not fulfilled, to question the painful stories we tell ourselves and discover our core wounds.
One Friday in Bayonne
Here is an example that happened to me a few weeks ago:
I got up in the late morning with a strange feeling. I didn’t feel good and I couldn’t understand why. I had lunch as it was already noon. I then went to Biarritz and had a long walk along the shoreline with a girl I met the night before. We had deep talks about life and relationships while enjoying the nice weather. As the afternoon went by, I could feel the strange feeling of the morning build up inside of me, like some kind of pressure stuck inside my ribcage. Around 7 p.m., it started to be painful in my solar plexus. That is when I decided to go back alone to Bayonne to my apartment to take care of myself. While I was on the bus, I could finally understand what was the source of that feeling. I was feeling loneliness. Thinking about it, I realised that my need for deep connexion combined with physical touch had not been met for some time.
So, under my face mask, I let my tears flow and cried silently. I was listening to soft handpan music as a kind of catalyst and was just leaning into the discomfort and feeling the pain. After some time, as if it wasn’t enough for me to feel pain, my mind started to feed me stories about why I felt lonely. This is when I started to suffer. The stories my inner voice told me are all linked to one of my core wounds.
Most of us grow up with core wounds: subconscious programs (beliefs) that fuel us with limiting thoughts. For my part, my subconscious belief that “something is wrong with me“ comes from my childhood and teenage years. Any situation where I had to fit in but it didn’t feel right and I thought to myself “Something feels wrong, why can’t I fit in?” could have forged that belief. Instead of understanding that the situation was wrong for me, I told myself that I was the problem. A child will seldom question his environnement but rather think he is faulty. As well as the fact that from the time I started to be interested in girls when I was about 11 until I had positive feedback from one at age 21, 10 years of doubt passed by. The reason my mind made up to explain why I had no success with girls was: “something is wrong with me.”
So here I am, 36 years old, in Bayonne, with my core wound triggered and my mind telling me that something is wrong with me. And the mind always looks for a hundred reasons to prove it. Wherever I have some insecurities, it tells me a story: I’m too skinny, my long hair looks dumb, I’m boring, my style is lame, I’m too shy, I don’t have enough self-confidence, I’m too nice, I’m too polite, too respectful, not rich enough, I question things too much, etc.
Fortunately, as I am already acquainted with that wound, I could try to find opposite evidence: thinking about where I belong, people who love me for who I am and trying to be grateful for this unpleasant experience because it showed me that I still have some work to do to heal my core wound. This helped me to observe my mind from a distance, not believe it and suffer less. Nevertheless, combined with the noise in the streets below, the activity of my mind made me have insomnia. I found refuge on Netflix and watching Stranger Things and eventually slept something like from 8 to 10 p.m. and then from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m.
The next day
On the next morning, the emotion of loneliness was gone. Furthermore, I had a nice soothing program planned as well: yoga and a kobido massage followed by a brunch with pancakes, activities that fulfil my need for peace of mind, touch and care and reminds me of home and that made me feel good.
Then, I met a didgeridoo player on the streets. We connected and even played together at Biarritz under the “Rocher de la Vierge”. It’s interesting how things can change from one day to another. Life is constant change. When we can embrace it and accept what is, it is still hard sometimes. But it gets better again.
My shares are inspired by the content of the Personal Development School. If you are interested in the subject of emotions, core wounds and subconscious beliefs, you can check their website. The course “Emotional mastery and belief reprogramming“ contains an in-depth description and practical exercises, similar to the experience I shared.
