In a society where competition was engraved into our minds, giving up is seen as a sign of weakness. We have been taught to remain committed to our job, a cause or our relationships and try harder despite the consequences it can have for our health – Survival of the fittest. I have observed friends (and myself) struggle to talk with their boss when their energy level was so low they needed a break. Or staying in an unhealthy relationship for too long.
Sometimes, giving up is the bravest thing you can do.
It is hard to take back a commitment we have made. Why? Because it requires vulnerability. And we all struggle with it because it is closely related to feelings of shame, guilt, weakness. We could also be afraid of hurting our colleagues or partner, fearing their disappointment, fearing to be seen as a loser, maybe even being shamed for it. Giving up requires facing those fears and be vulnerable, it is an act of courage.
The highest commitment…
… is the commitment we make to ourselves to be healthy.
Last week, I came to realize something about it: A commitment made to others is only healthy as long as it doesn’t enter into competition with the one I make to myself.
Let’s look at the aeroplane analogy: when the cabin pressure drops in an aeroplane, we need to put on the oxygen masks. We have to take care of ourselves first. Then help others. If we don’t, we might suffocate and we would not be able to help that other person. (I am not taking into account the heroic deed of risking our physical integrity or our life to save another’s, which is a split-second decision. My point covers the longer-lasting situations.)
So in any situation where we are not being let to take care of ourselves and we see our energy being drained, we need to change that situation. Yes, in the long run, some things might be needed to be changed within ourselves as well. But this doesn’t work if our batteries are critically low. Personal development requires a lot of energy, good resources, support and time. Taking a break might be the best thing to do, even as difficult as it seems.
Survival of the kindest
In the last few weeks, I often thought of what topics I wanted to write about on this blog. While I was reading books that challenged my beliefs, I went through a lot of emotional turmoil. Many thoughts and emotions from painful past experiences came flushing over me as well. This situation started undermining my self-confidence, self-love and trust in the future (This is a known consequence of personal development and deconstruction of the ego). Combined with the lack of close support and being alone most of the time, these past weeks have been hard on my mental health.
This is why I have decided not to try harder but to be kind to myself and stop posting about conscious living. It is not serving me at this moment. I believe this is not the right time for me or blogging is not the right way to share.
Nevertheless, I will keep writing about my journey every week.
“No one gives up on something until it turns on them, whether or not that thing is real or unreal.“
Thomas Ligotti
